- or -
[In And Around Castle Frankenstein]
[ THE STALL IN GERNSHEIM WHERE MARY SHELLEY MAYBE GOT MORNING SICKNESS ]
Trip Report
when i got home from my second ketamine therapy
session thursday
i tripped over a chair i threw against the wall last
thursday
i fell
goddamn
The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind (2002)
fixing the brain fog i got from the abilify
with a Fortify Intelligence potion
using / abusing it
like patients
Journal of Abnormal Psychology has the best blaxploitation
tales
no patience
so i drink an Athletics potion
thinking I'm going to jump off a bridge
and die
but i
jump off a bridge
and live
live
streaming from my device
tears streaming down my face
as i fly up so high
i can almost see my dad
shooting up
[ THE STRICKEN BATTLEMENTS ]
Rampart (1991)
the ships
the waves
each morning
start blasting, devito
in such number
that i can’t hardly target them
my reticule
lagged
my home castle’s battlements left
holey
holy men like jesus christ
were respected by my buddy HJ’s mother
a boisterous indian woman
“jesus christ, I admire the man”
though not as God
which was “not enough” my mom said
warming the pew
while HJ and Carl and me played hotseat Super Mario Bros. 3
and eventually 3-way Rampart
under a steeply-graded roof
between pines
between rounds you had to maintain your fortress
something i was bad at
then
bad at now
(badass looking animated cannon ball arc
makes it look truly well
rounded)
me in my flat arc
flat affect
overextending to try for territory bonuses
that never come because
i need intact walls
to fire my guns
BUILD AND REPAIR
Animal Crossing: New Horizons (2020)
i leave my house
life is outside wearing a Mage’s Robe and
Impish Wings
so
i go back inside my house where my foyer is a
shrine to the bjp party for some reason
i can’t feel my hands while i toil for scaly overseers
in the sweatshop past the north corridor
so
into the lab i go, a lab where they make diseases
or elixirs probably
the lab with meticulous floor details
crafted using the pattern maker
pixel by pixel
by
someone outside—not me, i am inside
my house—someone who has been plucking away
at little boxes
(reynolds / skinner would be nonplussed /
doubleplussed)
somebody who has been animating my limbs
wielding the magic wand that i use
to change from my pink / green saree
to my stand for the flag / kneel for the cross custom t-shirt outfit
and sorry to HJ’s mom wherever she might be
because my villager’s probably one shun beyond
appropriate and uh
sorry?
who is it i’m apologizing to? for what?
i’m actually this bobble-headed
vaguely-southeast asian woman
dwelling in this house
my house
and i live here until Tom Nook evicts me
the power is cut off
or
a certain Mage casts knock
initiating a home invasion
bang
[ THE FOREST WITH MAGNETIC STONES THAT CAUSE COMPASSES TO MALFUNCTION ]
Ultima Online (1997)
it was written: there's three ways to go
suicide
homicide
and alice hyde
(my local hospital)
alice hyde is in the university of vermont
network
because new york state won't claim
our north country
a dead thing like Disney’s Pocahontas sings of
dry loot us
at uvm, i saw Dr. Frankenstein
a wandering healer
astride the ethereal beetle of psychiatry
who had an office that smelled like dogs
and an aversion to signing disability paperwork
and a freud action figure & advice that I should “identify as a gamer”, which transitioned
my therapy worldview
from ‘shit’
to ‘pure gold’
i got pills there for a while
and an iq test
and psyche eval
Evaluate Intelligence is a skill
in Ultima Online that makes mages
more dangerous
Atelier Sophie: The Alchemist of the Mysterious Book (2015)
the tutorial for a japanese roleplaying game
is informed consent
to transform into a magical girl
for a couple hours
i get heart
palpitations
while i’m skipping story beats
mashing the Next button
getting ideas for making, say
a bomb
while i reap
so
doll me up
throw a heart-
shaped box in the cauldron
and when doctor narrative asks me “whodunit?”
my response will be curt
k?
skrrt
skirt
[ THE OVERGROWN HERB GARDEN ]
Arthouse
my house is art
“transformative negative space” = holes punched
in the wall
(that’s a positive reframing)
i should reframe the doorframe
i damaged while
physically threatening
my dad’s drug addict friend
years ago
it was a good obstacle
to me
kicking
her
fucking
head
in.
there
Fall Report
drug abusers were once like the urticating hairs on
a spider to me
trigger warning: arachnophobia
doing ketamine in a cavey opium den setting
with pareidolia throwing shade at my lying eyes—
clinically-enforced tunnel vision—
has changed my perspective
alchemy
the behind yourself third-person camera of
dissociation
reveals, but
avoids the directness of Jacko’s man in the mirror
a cheat code
(chase_active 1)
chase my morning ritalin down a k hole
to avoid the noose or the razor
this new Old Spice razor will shave off every hair
on your face
OH NO
I’M A HAIR
-- Rudy Johnson (@lynchpoet) is some kind of retard who makes games and poetry. Kill Rudy Johnson.