Monkey
What if there was a monkey who wanted to steal your shit? You sitting in plastic ribbons, the sun resting lightly on your naked thighs, tiny crystals of pool sizzling on pavement, then the 6th sense alerting you, an ambient alarm. “Hey, get away from that.” The monkey searches through your backpack maybe. “Get away from that.” Possibly, it grabs your wallet, and a pack of Black and Milds Wine Wood tip. “Gimme those.” Your lunge doesn’t scare it. It might even get closer, snatch your sunglasses and run. “Get back here!” What if this monkey was in summertime central Ohio? How could it be this monkey found its way to the high school pool? The one the seniors run like an open toilet bowl. The Columbus Zoo is on the north side of the city and now the monkey is running, past screaming and children throwing ice cream, and blood and urine everywhere. Did the monkey just hop onto the concession stand? Grab a Nerd’s rope? Big League Chew, the Sour Apple kind? The terrified volunteer flees, beyond their non-pay grade. You simply have to follow this little bastard’s reign of terror not only for your items but also to see where the rabbit hole ends. And what if that monkey with items in hand slipped past the daisy waterfall, the rhythmic tubes of spurt, the thin clear bubble, up and over the fence? And if so then up and over you go to the naysaying of the child lifeguards. Are you about to waste your afternoon? The sunscreen won’t last. Did the monkey just hop the highway guard rail? Is the monkey froggering between the cop cars, the commuters? Is it time to dodge and weave? You swear the critters from the woods are watching, deer, squirrel, falcon, vulture, two vultures, three vultures, four. You are flying through, honking and screeching in your wake. Then it’s a semi that can’t react in time. You are on the ground looking at the sky. You’ve been clipped. You got clipped. You can’t believe it and this is what it feels like before heaven. You feel your peripherals invaded by machine elves. They’re tittering, they’re pointing and making little mockeries. Holy shit, this is what it's like to reach the end of the fabric. You breathe in. Did the monkey just take your croc? Did the monkey just take both your crocs? Fuck this. You stand. A dump truck at an illegal speed stares you down. You jump. You are in the trance of the forest. Every ivy looks poisonous. Every weed scratches your open skin. The ground is made of only rocks, sharpened sticks, shredded Monster cans. Did the monkey jump that way? You run. Did the monkey make its move? You run. Did the monkey stumble? Did the monkey struggle to pick up its loot? You leap. You’re in a clearing, a park where the picnic benches are and the black solid grills with leftover ash. You remember birthday parties, clay pigeon shooting, fires the size of your house, littering, gnats in tents, boy scout larping, swimming in mud, crawfish hunting, baseballs to the head. You wish you were back at the pool. Your skin is crunchy. Did the monkey run to the rickety concrete pavilion? Did the monkey just meet up with a get-together, balloons and cake and a karaoke machine and a donkey and a rabbit and a dog? You step closer. Did the lion and tiger just step out the reeds from a bathroom break with cigarettes in hand? Is everyone chatting amicably in their native animal language? Why is everyone celebrating? Did the monkey just brag about your clothes? Is everyone laughing? The way an animal laughs like it’s having an attack or being attacked or attacking? Is everyone getting on? Having a wonderful time? Is it like your mom’s 50th birthday party? Could you see your mom kicking it with these chill animals? Is the monkey singing “Brandy (You’re a Fine Girl)” by Looking Glass for karaoke in that way only a monkey sings? You’re thinking this monkey isn’t such a bad guy. After all this, maybe an arrangement could be made. One croc each? Maybe you don’t need the glasses. Obviously, you need the wallet back but maybe you both could smoke a Black and Mild together. You step closer. What is it they are celebrating? It seems general, no one main character. Maybe that’s what it is with the animal kingdom, everyone celebrates together. No one special, everyone special. Damn, is this about the chillest group you’ve ever seen? You step closer. The grass screams underneath you. The monkey turns, right over its slight shoulder. Is he smiling? At you? Winking over the top of his sunglasses? Are you dehydrated? You smile. Did the music stop? Is the whole crew looking at you? You stay still. The monkey takes a big plug of chew and places it in his tiny gob. Chew, chew, chew. Are there more animals then you remember? A few more big cats than you recall? Is everyone growling or are they purring? Are they advancing? The monkey chews. You take a step back. Are their hackles up? Did the music really stop or did it get very quiet? The monkey chews. You start to take long steps back. Can a tiger climb a tree? Are lions used to temperate forests? Where’s the nearest rest stop on I-71? The monkey chews. You feel the tickle of poison ivy on your Achilles tendon. Are they getting closer or standing their ground? The monkey chews and adjusts a croc. You won’t be getting your stuff back.
Oil (an excerpt)
a member of the US national security state stops running eventually. the ExxonMobil Executive is sitting by the Pacific Ocean, sounds of gulls, waves
MEMBER OF THE US NATIONAL SECURITY STATE
(old lady voice)
my bones. sir, what year is it?
EXXONMOBIL EXECUTIVE
(old man voice)
i wish i knew
MEMBER
why are you sitting looking at the pacific ocean?
EXXON
i like to imagine birds and fish aren't quite so different. that behind our backs, birds swim in the ocean, fish fly in the sky. they break our rules when we aren't looking
MEMBER
i like to imagine a bird that I can't place. a duck, a turkey, a pheasant, a dove, a seagull, it’s not any of those, but almost. i like to imagine rinsing it using DAWN SOAP like in the commercials with my bare hands. it doesn't struggle and it’s yellow and beautiful like in the commercials. we take it home and raise it to be a full grown duck or seagull or what have you but it isn't like the actual thing-the way birds are-eating trash and having violent reproduction rituals instead it’s pure and knowledgeable like a human. it can produce language and information and emotion but it also brings its knowledge from the bird and animal world to bear on human affairs and maybe it solves some political crises like in the commercials.
EXXON
i would love to imagine that with you
MEMBER
i wish i knew who you are. you seem like a lovely person
NARRATOR
all the gunk of years falls away
do they recognize their atrophied love? their bird child is standing behind them
BIRD
i’ve found you
NARRATOR
a silence that makes you piss your pants
BIRD
i’m a hegelian scholar now
EXXON
oh brother
BIRD
laugh all you want! i’ve made my peace with others. you two are swapping stories in your old age like redwoods in the dark night. i’ve found you. now, hear this tale of morality forged in my years studying the greatest mind Germany has ever produced: if God exists, He is a doctor with a stethoscope. He reaches into the earth. what does He find? the blood of the planet. black and sticky, swirling and readable as the text of the library of alexandria. looks terminal, the Doc says to the Earth on the paper table. the Earth doesn't know how to take the news. tears, hurricanes, the creation of new terrifying species. the Earth’s inhabitants cry out in worship. “EARTH, what's up? why are you like this?”
the Earth shakes a heavy head. the waves splash around, tsunami. the Doc says if you take this it should heal all your ailments and your blood will run clear as rainwater. a Giant PillTM manufactured in space by aliens with seven extra thumbs. the Earth looks suspicious at the Giant PillTM, conspiracies of Big Pharma roam the globe. at last, the Earth decides-down the hatch, the Giant PillTM goes. everyone living begins to get silly and wobbly like cooked pasta and the Earth shrunk in size and grew legs. the Doc said you’re free to go. with a hum and a ho, the Earth left the office. there were errands to run and a new lease on life. smiles, frowns, and everything in between but ultimately harmony came with medicine.
NARRATOR
this was all true
-- dizzzzy turek writes in chicago but is originally from ohio. find all other writing @dizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzyy (26 zs) on Instagram.